Headcase Headspace

Headcase

Give up remembering, and put
an end to your troubles.
Out from mother's body
     all things arose
along with dementia.
     Say my dementia
demonstrates an empty
      mind:     its cure
cannot work when one
      studies illusions.
Yet seeing emptiness
has cultivated     sight.


Afterlife 

     Because we're feeble,
     I know why ducks
avoid us,     why ghosts
barely haunt anymore.
     Because my skin has
dried and grown so thin,
unsightly bruises curse
me like cancer-curious
symptoms, and my dizzy
demeanor puts off so many
     who just want quiet, not
unruly games like chess.


Reflex

"In London they drink tea.
In reflex, Paris drinks coffee."
While I watch an electric brain
     fault my system, more brains
reassemble it to better match
our data. Still we'll be born in DC.
     When I begin to swallow,
nextdoor, the child screams.
My throat opens. Closes
     —epiglottis as guillotine.
What If It Becomes Harder
To Collect Than To Pay?
          Child cries no more,
but my coffee sticks in my neck.

Throat closed in reflex, now,
opens. Yesterday, fans blew
to air out one flat, bleach at another,
          curry and garlic nextdoor. 
In post-war housing on Shirley High
way, Italian neighbors taught Mama
     to make spaghetti and order
pizza. Some of these days, gone crazy.
          What If It Becomes Harder
To Pay Than To Collect?
          Will I choke on reborn
data or stop drinking coffee?
When I begin to swallow,
     nextdoor, the child screams.


Told You So

Down in the old west side,
You get all high, puff, puff.
You fire up in the bathroom 
While Sister waits, puff, puff.

Blue Vee Dub runs well,
But you're baked, puff, puff. 
Really you can nod off, Baby,
Crash and die —puff

Then that emptying, sighing 
Out, that quiet throb puffs,
A thousand times, Baby,
That puff puff puff,

A thousand times, Baby,
Puff puff puff. Puff.


Sympathetic Magic

Sitting up quickly, feeling dizzy,
seeing sparkles, blacking out,
then shaking awake, I thought
     I had a seizure.
          That Was A Seizure.
               Should I call the doctor.
See a mind's eye image, a re-show
of my waking where I look like
                    I'm fluttering.
     Must not have been out out.
               It was euphoric.
Was it my medicine.
                         or sinuses.
Where have I seen fluttering
                              like that.
     People who lack oxygen
                    to the brain,
          or hyperventilating,
                    orthostatic syncope,
but the flutter was different
                    from fainting. 
I must have given myself
                              an orgasm, 
seriously —jouissance.


Crank

I am not a Luddite.
I put away the slide
rule & pick up
     the calculator
when I thought
     the time was
right & no
          before—
They only do stuff
for dollars
—Out Of Many One,
     Their catchphrase,
bôn mot,
     conventional wisdom.
Their prenup biases
          my pet peeves
unaccounted
& taken for granted.
They force me to ass
    imilate then fear
I will replace Them.
     Their consolidation
or concentration
          is valid.
My dissipation
or dissolution is vapid.
Their either/or situs
     minimize my gestalt.
Their progress equates
     to growth.
Grownups mean decline.
          I says what They
want to hear.
I does what They
want to see.
     I avoids controversy.
I donor payback to
     get more payback.
My committee work
          schleps lobby work.
I streamline Their
grown work,
part of a drive-by
     chancellor overhaul.
I already piloting
     a package of IP
& generative AI models
          —creative industries.
I strike licensing deals,
a raid on copyrighted
material —scraping
     itself is not my problem.
I tailoring data providers,
     frameworking technology
endpoints for crawlers.
          I highlighting Their
relevance
& taking a page,
a passing interest,
     much-improved
butt of a joke,
     killing it off,
keeping my ear
          to the ground.


Doll Man

Doll man, who will play
     me, rates this new,
new script. Who will in
habit the fake self some
one has crafted with pink
nylon clothes that velcro
shut around him? We look
for eyes, but they're sewn
     shut: studios will want
to rank eye colors for me
     and my molded wife.
Who will play her in this
     new drama after all
the screen tests and table
reads in tiny vinyl rooms?
     

To the Rescue 

          Hi, hi hi   ohai! 
                    I'm yr Agent
          eternal protégé, personal 
assistant, fixer, and Agent for the stars! 
When it gets complicated, 
I handle yr guild dues, salary, pension, 
retirement accounts, Medicare, Medicaid,
FAFSA, SSA benefits— I take it all onboard 
     so you don't have to! 
          I'll even help you find a new role! 
          Or two!
When you need to prune 
yr entourage— 
          those weights, params,
  tokens— I'm right there 
to make those impossible decisions 
    so You Don't Have To!
Agent: Yr new prompter! 
    You Don't Have To!
I'll tap yr savings, so You Don't Have To!
You might ask, "Agent, why spend 
time with me, a D-list actor, when 
you, Agent, could be developing 
better new stars, talent, or ushering 
             old stars 
to their box seats at HeavenGate." 
Why? Why? Well, I also dabble 
    in prophecy! 
Yes, and you seem— 60/40 —to be 
    a good bet! 
Plus, do you want to personally 
book yr accounts, yr investments, 
mortgages, credit cards, loans, 
titles, deeds, insurance, taxes, 
usernames, passwords —last but.
Not least —yr testament/will/whatevs. 
A lifetime of heartache! but. 
                    You Don't Have To


MacroDosing

                    for Robert Rivers

     My buddy's etchings have
two eyes on the same sides
of their faces, like the goats
          who eat my impatiens,
     my iris, my comfrey while
sinking hooves into my thighs
or crawling through my hair.
           With one eye on my
     corn and the other eye
          staring at the sun, goats
     swing on my clothesline,
          unstitch my jeans,
     climb trees all tangled
in yarn, and they ain't done 
till they've gnawed shrubs,
hedge, and done the can-can
     like some roadhouse gang.


Face of the Deep

'Nor at any moment was I not 
—nor thou, nor these kings.' 

               Surly 
Overcompensating 
          Auto de fé  
Nobodaddy 
               Blasts 
His light over the void 
Crusty shell with por
Ridge in the middle
But gloom remains behind 
          Sanbenito
As a reminder that light 
Once flicked cannot be easily 
          Doused 
Water beneath— 
Bring amongst
          Moves
     Transforms
Grows away from alive 
(Where piano in the living 
Room became an anachronism) 
          To reproduction
Fallen day today
     Quemadero
Breakfast 
     At Biscuit
'Pat of butta, spit, stir, taste'
Good?
          Bad? 
     You're in tea?
Between firmament— 
          Maria
Even light dries under light 
     Uttered alone 
          On her knees
One pound Bunny Luv carrots
King Arthur all purpose
(Sparrows' dreams)
          'Show yr work'
Guardez l'eau
     Stuck in the loo
On the other side
Of a curvature
          Singularity 
Once flicked cannot be easily 
          Doused 
Itty bitty props:
     Nose hairs
Personal watermelon
Those are raisins in the loaf 
Not miniature black holes
     Lobsta roll
          Solar flares
Clouds of burnt garlic
Gestation tanks—
          Maria
Emergent props
Sometimes harden
     Into kernels
          Dried up flakes
"You have got to be 
The last one standing"—
Self-awareness might be 
               Good test!
But gloom remains behind 
"Check with your delivery
Driver just to be sure"—
     Reconciliation
          Penitence
Gradually from each other's
Skit— Dancers dance.


Loneliness 

     The gods listened, papa,
to my prayers; the gods did.
     The gods listened, papa,
for I am alone now, safe
     from love, no longer harried
by fruitless feelings, or longing
     for faces dripping with lux.
And my prayers for Phoenician
     purples, papa, for yellows
like honey comb, papa, costly
     silks, for supple leathers went
unanswered, yet my deep ache
 that goes for days without grace,
beauty, or joy, has been seen.
     The gods listened, papa, give
me what I most deserve:
     one might call it solitude.


Headspace

     I am a cave
in blue mountains.

Flies enter and flit
between my ears.

Have I emptied
     my mind?







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