Feed the Devil

Feed the Devil 

     "It's educational!" —The Pixies

     "Kisses, for my ladies!" He cries 

                    and doesn't quite glide 

          to His harem… 

all ghosty, each gal embraces the Devil 

and covers His snout with loud smooches, 

and He smacks each filmy butt in turn, 

          nineteen in total, 

     one for each gate to guard 

so the charged can't spark for it. 

     "Sing, my dears!" 

Chorus: 

We're on our way to make some hay, 

on our way, hey hey, hey hey… 

Only our dark lord knows the way, 

the way, the way.

          He knows whether the light's on,

     He knows whether the light's on,

He knows whether the light's on 

when that cooler door is closed… 

     "And it's closing, now!"

Chorus:

          It's closin', closin', closin'

     It's closin', closin', closin' 

It's closin', closin', closin'

     "Don't let it hit you in the butt!"

Sistre: Tock tic tock tic tock tic… 

          Neurotic, poor dear, what He thinks. 

Mother: Don't overstimulate yourself! 

     "Other voices from my butt… d i s p u t e." 

Marnie: I hate to bring this up, Mr Devil, but it's going to be hot as hell dis week! 

          "Marnie, just fur u!" 

Lisa: Mr Devil, sir, my tub was stopper, so I plunged and plunged. Suddenly, clear! Did you do that? 

     "Yes, Lisa, midst my busyness —drained it!"

 

Piper: Chin up! We've all agreed to lie on your performance evaluations.

     "Now, now, honesty always works best!"

Abby: You had me wrangling beatniks while you were lording it over all your other ladies.

 

          "Well, Beatles ain't here, so feed me!" 

Cathy: I felt bad about hell's mussiness. I cleaned ectoplasm from all the faucets and fixtures. 

          "Thank u, darlin'… I wag my butt 

     in your general direction."

Steph: Yowl, your tail has a sharp end to it.

          "I am the hero of mine own tail!"

Ruby: Cathy washed her mind as well. 

     "Cleanliness is next to ungodliness, too!" 

Milton: For how long, hath thou sweltered in this godless hole while thine, brothers and sisters, in heaven relish cool breezes, soft plums, Château Lafitte, silk panties, velvet tunics, flesh instead of scales. But we are not sad for thou because it was thou who hath chosen to rebel against the creator. Thou and thine of your ilk, obstinately, suffer here due to pride… 

     "Whoa, whoa, whoa there, sunshine. 

          I do not eat flesh or scales 

               and you ain't Uncle Milty." 

Milton: …nanobots tricked-up to give us the look and feel of John Milton.  

[Intel’s current prototype neuromorphic chip is called Loihi 2. In April, the company announced it had brought together 1,152 of them to create Hala Point, a large-scale neuromorphic research system comprising more than 1.15 billion fake neurons and 128 billion fake synapses. With a neuron capacity roughly equivalent to an owl brain, Intel claims is (sic) the world’s largest system to date. At the moment it is still a research project for Intel.] 

     "Right. The mind, though, is really 

               the tricky part."

Milton: Have we got that wrong? We believe in mind-body unity, not separation. 

     "You and your chums…" 

Milton: Our rooms! Yes, last night our tub was stopped up, and when we dragged a wire coat hanger through the drain, the most awful gray, greasy muck came out. 

Lisa and Cathy: Must be system-wide!

     "Too much ectoplasm in the pipes… 

          have a word with Mother, 

               willya Sistre?" 

Steph: Say, one time I was cleaning my ears after a bath, and. some. thing. in. side. my. head. grabbed that Q-tip and shook it, real hard! 

     "Sweetie, that was all in your mind!" 

Steph: Ooooooooooooooooo, God!

Sistre: Fool! Don't u know not to thing ur ear with skinny objects! Nothing smaller than my heel! 

Steph: Ow-weee! That was when I was alive! I don't have. ears. any. more. 

Ruby: She just kicked the snot out of you. 

Lisa and Cathy: All y'all keep your ectopee to your ownselves! Jeez! 

Abby: Piper and me caught this one snooping around our Forest Entrance without a ticket stub. 

Spy: Unhand me! I am your diplomat from France! If you harm me, there will be war between our two realms, and France has nukes! 

     "Excuse me, excuse me, sir, I did not 

          recognize u in a suit and tie. You r

               most welcome here." 

Spy: And where is that? And why do you have a tail, citizen? Magnificently warm here! 

Piper: You are in hell, excellency. 

Abby: We gratefully accept your cred! 

Spy: But I don't have my portfolio with me. Under a false identity, I am on vacation with my mistress. Discretion, you understand,— madame and I have an agreement of sorts. 

          "Ambassador, your credit is good here. 

     We keep a running tally then exact 

a suitable price before u exit our premises."

Spy: What's that hanging on wall? 

Piper: The ladder? 

Spy: Yes, it seems to project through the top of this cave.

Abby: Jacob's Ladder.

Spy: May I climb it to heaven? 

Abby: Oh, hell no! 

Spy: That seems unjust. As a Frenchman, I really must object to the exclusionary manner in which you deal out terms of occupancy. I will now complain to management. Je me plains! Écouter, Écouter!

                              "'I had no butt! 

                    And I complained 

          about it all, until I met a man who 

had no balls…' As u say, 'Cave,' AmbassaSpy, u r correct, but this is but one rooming house amongst many in my 'realm,' as u call it." 

Spy: If I may ask, how large is your realm? 

     "Infinite…" 

Sistre: O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. 

          Neurotic, poor dear, what He thinks. 

Spy: If this were my assignment rather than an accidental sidebar to my vacation, I would ask my bureau to send many diplomats to help me! 

          "Why, they're already here! 

     U didn't know. Sorry to break it to u…" 

          work in progress 

God: I didn't raise no fool, did I? 

finis